Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Tantrum mode

#tumtum

Hoje acordaste mal disposto e passaste o dia a reclamar. Que a colher não era aquela, que afinal não gostavas de bananas, e achaste um ultraje eu tomar banho sem te convidar.
Tudo em choro, em grito, em explosão de raivas e frustrações vindas de zonas desconhecidas para mim. 
Bateste-me várias vezes.
Uma parte de mim chorava "onde está o meu bebé?" e outra repetia de mansinho "uma birra é uma espécie de dança, com grito de guerra e máscara feroz, sim; uma dança enraivecida, sim; mas uma dança exorcista. Uma birra cura. Aceita."
Uff. Tem sido assim. 
Mantenho-me a teu lado, dou os mimos que aceitas, tento conversar os porquês (mesmo que os saiba de cor), mas custa... hoje ser assim...



Este texto é antigo, mas hoje senti que o revivi. Passam ciclos de altos e baixos, os nossos filhos, de composições musicais tocadas ora em "pianinho" ora em "bem forte".

Hoje parece que tens de novo dois anos acabados de fazer... (e trazes os desafios que para nós teve essa idade). Sei que há pouco mudámos de espaço, de país, de língua, de rotina (até de comida um pouco), sei que não é fácil para ti. Na verdade, para mim, carrega também ansiedades e receios que sei que sentes.

Mas sei que vai passar.
Confio.

Estou contigo, dando chão à sensação de instabilidade que talvez não saibas exprimir por palavras, mas se vê bem clara nos teus gestos bruscos e erráticos, nos teus rasgos de imprevisível euforia e/ ou agressividade.
Estou contigo.

Vai passar.
Confia comigo.

#ommmmmmamma

Monday, June 27, 2016

Nap...

Full time mum tip of the day:
Take that nap.



Oh boy I need a break sometimes...
#ommmmmmamma

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Hold your baby

Holding my baby close



And when at night we cuddle to sleep together I never know which one feels safer,
Him, in my arms
Or me, holding him.

#tumtumLife
#ommmmmmamma

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Unloving ways...

Tantrum time Note to Self:


Remember, your child will always ask you to love him, in the most loving and... unloving ways.

#tumtumLife
#ommmmmmamma

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Do not correct your child

No café, ele chora 

- Sch! Não se chora!
- Sabes que não se deve dizer a uma criança assim para parar de chorar? Pode-se, mas não ajuda. O que ajuda é tentar perceber porque está a acontecer, e perguntar como podemos ajudar. Dizer a uma criança, aliás como a um adulto, apenas para parar de chorar não ajuda em nada. E ensina-a que se podem, e é até bom, reprimir emoções, apenas isso. E nós não precisamos de mais pessoas com emoções reprimidas.
- Então mas não temos de ensinar a não chorar??!
- Não.
- Nesse caso nunca precisamos de corrigir uma criança!?
- Exacto. Muito bem dito. Nunca precisamos de corrigir uma criança.


*********

At the coffee shop, he cries

- Sch! No crying!
- You know, we shouldn't tell a child not to cry just like that? We can, but it does not help. What helps is to try to understand why it is happening and ask if there is anything we can do to help. To tell a child, actually it's the same with an adult, to simply stop crying doesn't help at all. It teaches them that we can, and it's actually a good thing, repress our emotions, that's all. And we already have enough people living with repressed emotions.
- But, aren't we supposed to teach them not to cry??!
- No.
- So like that we never need to correct a child?! 
- Exactly. Beautifully said. We don't need to correct a child.

#ommmmmmamma

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Full time mother

I used to have cool things in my to do list. Popular people to hang out with and famous authors to study. I used to be skilled in intricate techniques that I would perform and teach. I used to watch the latest movies releases first hand and have tickets for the best show in town in my pocket. I used to know all festivals agendas and artists names by heart...
I used to wear trendy outfits (well, more less :-p) and go to the best hairdresser around very often.
Now...? Today I helped my son to poop (believe it or not IT WAS on my to do list) and I fell... I actually feel as good about it as if it was anything else. I have accomplish something.

Yesterday someone asked me:
- So, what do you do now?
- I am a full time mother - I replied.
- Oh, but that is a job that sucks, no?
- ... No! I have chosen to be a mother. And I love what I do.



I do.
#ommmmmmamma

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Sef-care


 Did you also learned about self care, or new ways for self care, only since you became a mother?

For me it happen like this. Before I was a mother I would regularly, and simply,
take. care. of myself. 
It was not a ritual, it was not even a routine, it was just... my "normal" me. 

Everyday I would take my time under a long shower; save some space for a daily gentle yoga stretch; choose to spend uplifting time out with friends; would regularly walk in nature, or just take the long way home enjoying the waterfront view and the taste of the salty air in my mouth... I would join yoga classes and group meditation sessions often to boost my personal practice; and I would feed my soul with good music concerts or just a great book by the pool. 
Before I became a mother I would journal by the moon... and I used to publish my writing; teach acting; perform on stage and... Just travel a lot. All my passions, would be part of each one of my days.

It all changed. 
Huge changes taught me how precious was this "normal me" time. How wise was my dedication to live for pleasure and to celebrate my passions. 
Huge changes brought huge teachings... 

Since I have become a mother I have learned deeper about self-care.
How self care can happen out of the yoga mat; outside of the massage room; away from the ocean (or even from the need of a quick shower for a couple of days!)...



Being a Mother taught me how much self care is needed (more than ever!), and how crucial it is to accept it just changed shape and form...

Since I became a mother I love myself more, and I appreciate the sacredness of my path (with all it's ups and downs)... And now, sometimes, self-care happens only inside my head, while I nurse my baby, for instance; or every time I close my eyes before I answer with less kinder words, before I react with unwanted ways... Just focusing on myself, and breathing.
Breathing,
Deeply,
The current blessings of my life.

They are blessings... I know.

Self care now happens when I choose to tune in, inside of me, and I change perspective about what is happening, and how I choose to feel about it. 
Yes, I choose.
Self-care happens here.

And I have been wondering: did it ever really happen elsewhere?

#ommmmmmamma

Sunday, June 5, 2016

You are enough

Today take some time to just think about this: have you been trying too hard?

Trying to hard to be right... pretty, fit, loving, impeccable, competent...? 
Trying to hard to achieve, to accomplish, to create, to finish all that you have in your "to do" list?
Trying to hard to be creative at work, supportive at home, understanding with friends, cooperative with work partners, healthy with your habits, caring as a mother?
Sure you love all those things you have in you, and sure you can do it. You can be whatever you want. But... Are you working too hard to be that, perfect side of yourself? Are you forcing smiles and resisting to let change in...?



Today do not resist.
Today do not try.

You are enough. (You have no idea how "enough" you are).

Sending Love,
#ommmmmmamma

New Moon meditation

Blessed new moon, #ommmmmmamma

Tonight the NEW MOON is in Gemini. 
It's all about communication and giving voice to YOUR truth. 

Time for NEW beginnings and fresh starts.

Tonight (or during daytime, if you wish, the moon energy is still there) sit to meditate for 10minutes and have a note book ready by your side.
After your meditation write without questioning or organising your words, just write for a couple of minutes. Don't read it. Close your notebook and keep it at your sacred space. Trust, that your TRUTH is ready, and will make a difference in your life.



Happy Moon Energy.

Listen to Mother Earth

"Fly with me"
The wind whispers 
"Feel me"
Play the Earth drums
"Let it flow"
Sings the water 
"Transform the fears"
Says the Fire

You are never alone, sister. You belong to Gaia and all her sons and daughters live in you. Are alive in you. Speak trough you.

Let it happen.
Life is not a struggle, but a gift.

And just the same way the clouds get darker and storms take place;
The same way the peaceful ocean transforms into angry waves;
Just like the moon and her phases... You also change. Embrace it.

The Universe told me the other day "this is an adventure, and you are an adventurer", I smiled. You know?, your life is perfect for you - trust it.
Your tears are healing and there is no knot in your hair that is impossible to release.



Release.
Release your fears, rest into Mother Earth's loving arms. Do you feel it? The warmth, the soothing silence... the soft breeze caressing you, the gentle swing of a hammock helping you to sleep? It is real. 
Do not resist. Even that anger you feel inside today, ready to burst; that fear that tightens your heart; that doubt that clouds your eyesight... they will change. They will go. Will leave you... 
You will feel lighter soon. I know you will.
Breathe out... You are Loved.

I Love You Sister.

#ommmmmmamma

Children's day

May I always have the courage to trust you; the humbleness to learn from you; the openness to understand your struggles; the generosity to put you first; the passion to join you in your determination for what you love; the purity to welcome your laughter; the sanity to never say "no" to your hug; the awareness to guide you and never shape you; the integrity to respect who you are in all the screaming and laughter it holds; the discernment to not criticise or praise but just appreciate and acknowledge what you give me; the wisdom to show you magic and join you in other imaginary worlds; the curiosity to always inquire how you feel; the strength to always stand for what I believe in (and this is also a gift to you!); the vision to see who you truly are; the pleasure to walk bare-feet with you and the Love... may my arms be always full of Love, to nurture you, welcome you, love you for who you are, and never for who I wish you would be. I celebrate you, my child! 



Happy children's day! #ommmmmmamma #tumtumLife

Today I will mother myself

Today I came out because at home the drama felt just to heavy, tragic, impossible to shift.
I stepped outside because it is tough to nourish my son when I feel so depleted myself. It is hard to say no to him, but I cannot nurse him now. 

How to be a mother when you are heart broken, feeling sad, wanting to cry alone under the covers?

How to be a mother to others when you need so urgently to mother yourself?

Strange, strange energy in the air.
I am drowning it all in my addictions, coffee, sugar, Internet... swimming. Maybe some yoga later, some meditation escape time (do you know it can be an escape? Yes, you can use it to transcend, and you can use to hide away from the world your body choose this time. A sweet way indeed to numb the lethal affect of a routined sadness).

I know it will all lift soon and I do not write to celebrate my sadness. But I accept the darkness of my cloudy days... Hazy, rainy, teary, struggling days.

"It is all projection", they say. And we do find outside of ourselves nothing but what we hold inside (maybe hidden even from our eyes?).



For this I am grateful, for the world to show me that my inside garden requires gardening, water, love, care.

Today I will take care of myself.
Today I will mother myself, #ommmmmmamma