Today I will mother myself

Today I came out because at home the drama felt just to heavy, tragic, impossible to shift.

I stepped outside because it is tough to nourish my son when I feel so depleted myself. It is hard to say no to him, but I cannot nurse him now. 

How to be a mother when you are heart broken, feeling sad, wanting to cry alone under the covers?

How to be a mother to others when you need so urgently to mother yourself?

Strange, strange energy in the air.

I am drowning it all in my addictions, coffee, sugar, Internet... swimming. Maybe some yoga later, some meditation escape time (do you know it can be an escape? Yes, you can use it to transcend, and you can use to hide away from the world your body choose this time. A sweet way indeed to numb the lethal affect of a routined sadness).

I know it will all lift soon and I do not write to celebrate my sadness. But I accept the darkness of my cloudy days... Hazy, rainy, teary, struggling days.

"It is all projection", they say. And we do find outside of ourselves nothing but what we hold inside (maybe hidden even from our eyes?).

For this I am grateful, for the world to show me that my inside garden requires gardening, water, love, care.

Today I will take care of myself.

Today I will mother myself, #ommmmmmamma